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Adeline is 10 months old today! That’s pretty awesome in it’s own right, so let’s take a moment to appreciate it. Awesome.
"outta my way!"
But it’s also leading me down a path that I’ve been treading a lot lately. It goes something like this: “If we want to have another kid, and if we want that kid to be about two years younger than Adeline, then we’d need to actually BE pregnant in five months.” FIVE MONTHS people. That’s really soon, in case you’re wondering. Now granted, we got pregnant with little Adeline about two months after I had my IUD taken out, so we move quickly (even though the OB assured me that most people take “at least 3-6 months after getting the IUD out”). But still, that would mean getting the IUD out in three months. That’s “I should probably make the appointment now” soon. Scary.
The fact that all of this is scary probably means we’re not ready for another one. And yet, I also have moments when it doesn’t seem scary. Moments when it seems like a really great idea. There’s the “let’s just get this all over with” argument, for starters. A woman I recently met at the midwife’s office was a proponent of this theory. She was in for her six week check-up with her brand new baby and also had her 18-month old along. Damn. I’d need to already be two months pregnant. No thank you. Anyways, this mom’s theory was, “If I start sleeping again, I’ll never go back. So I just needed to have the other one now. This will just be my dark period.” Uh huh. “Dark period.” That sounds pleasant. And do I really want to have a baby just to “get it over with”? No, no I don’t.
But there I was, in the midwife’s office, surrounded by pregnant ladies (because pregnant women are always “ladies”) and I had an almost overpowering desire to be pregnant. Is this just biology? Has my reproductive system taken over all rational thought? I mean, to be honest, I hated being pregnant. Hated it! I had morning sickness right up until the point when I had horrible heartburn. I ate pasta with butter sauce for nine months. Why do I want to go down this road again?
Still, though, I know I don’t want to wait too long. My sister is almost five years older than me and as the younger sister I always wished that she was closer to my age. She mostly just ignored me or used me for extra parts in her made-at-home movies. So maybe she didn’t mind so much. But I always looked at siblings that were closer in age and envied them. I’d love to give Adeline and Baby Leavitt the Second a chance for that kind of relationship.
Of course, David has a say in all this as well. After many, many sleepless months I’m not sure he’s itching to do it all over again. And he doesn’t have the crazy mom biology driving him on. So we’ll see.
So what are you other mamas thinking in terms of timing? How it’s going for mamas with two or more already? What was your experience with your siblings like? Please, internet, help me decide when to have another baby…
My sister and I are 21 months apart, so just less than 2 years and we didn’t really end up being friends. When we were younger I guess we were but then my sister just go annoyed because I got all the privileges at a younger age than she did. Basically like when she did. She didn’t want to have the same friends as me and that also made it hard at school. We ended up fighting a lot and competing a lot. I think you don’t get as much competing between kids when they are further apart. But I don’t think you should think so much about how far apart the kids will be and more about when you and David are ready to have another one.
We’ll absolutely wait until we’re ready, but that can be hard to know sometimes. In the meantime, it’s easy to think about all these other considerations. We’ll figure it out, I’m sure!
More power to you (and David) if you are ready to even think about #2. I watched Brady and his cousin last week and holy hell was I exhausted! 1 is like riding a bike with training wheels, there is a learning curve but you figure it out and its a relatively smooth ride. 2 is like riding a bike with no training wheels…or brakes.
Who needs training wheels or brakes, right? Just makes it more of an adventure
Yeah, ok, maybe we should wait awhile…
I totally know what you mean about feeling an insane desire to be pregnant again! I, too, hated being pregnant and though I knew I would likely forget that fact and want another baby someday, I was totally surprised to have the though cross my mind so soon after Zach was born. Don’t get me wrong, we are far from getting pregnant again (I think) , but it is astounding what hormones can do to rational thought! And we have also wondered about the timing of it all—I go back and forth between wanting to devote all my love and attention to Zach and wanting him to have a sibling close in age. Like, the woman in the waiting room, I, too, think about just “getting it over with” so that we can have two older kids that you can actually travel with and do fun things with (but then I check myself and acknowledge that most likely, traveling–or life— with two kids is never going to be easy and only parts will be fun). It is a difficult position you’re in and I must admit I don’t look forward to being in it myself someday! Hopefully, the decision will suddenly become clear as day, for both of us!
Glad to hear I’m not the only one, Jessica! The hormones are out of control. But I know what you mean – sometimes it feels like we have this perfect little family unit with just David, me and Adeline and I can’t imagine adding another one. And then sometimes I just have this insane desire to have another one. Struggles!
I love your blog. Just subscribed =)
I have a three and one year old. The first year was incredible. The challenges have just begun for me since my daughter is fully mobile. They fight all day, one is always going in the opposite direction of the other, ect. BUT! I wouldn’t change it for anything. Having a schedule REALLY helps. Cheap wine and blogging are pretty awesome too =)
Your profile bio made me smile today! Looking forward to following you!
Thanks Sheena! Your blog is great too
It looks like you guys are having a lot of fun. When I see moms with two little ones making do I feel like I could do it too. And when I see my beautiful girl smiling, I just can’t help wanting another one!
When you’re ready! I always insisted that I wanted my kids to be no more than two years apart because my younger sister and I were four years apart and I wished we were closer when we were younger.
Well, my first daughter turned 15 months old and the thought of having another baby was terrifying at that time. Then suddenly she was 2 and the thought of another baby wasn’t terrifying but I was enjoying my time with her so much, I didn’t want to throw another baby into the mix at that point. Sure, that was totally screwing up my plans but I realized that what was important was how I felt NOW and NOW I just wanted more time alone with my daughter.
It wasn’t until she was getting ready to turn 3 that I could 100% say…okay, I’m ready! And so my daughters are four years apart.
It’s completely a personality thing. I know a woman who has 4 kids with less than two years between each and wouldn’t have it any other way. For me…no way!
There are both pros and cons to having kids closer together or not. When they are closer, you “get it all over with at once” (which doesn’t sounds pleasant to me) and they play better together and entertain each other, but it’s also CRAZY and there is not as much individual attention.
With more years between, they don’t make as perfect playmates but it’s a little easier – my daughter was already potty-trained when her sister was born which was helpful – and she was going to preschool two mornings each week which meant I got a little alone time with my second daughter as a baby that I wouldn’t have had if they were closer in age.
So really, how you feel and the happiness of you, your children, and your family are more important than the number of years between each child.