I haven’t been part of the dating world in a long, long time, but I remember it. The thrill of meeting someone new, giving him your number, waiting to see if he would call. The excitement and the sense of possibility were so much fun. But I also remember how much it sucked. Talking to lots of guys who were just losers, going on first dates that were painfully boring or awkward, the disappointment of not getting someone’s number, wondering if you’d ever meet someone that you actually clicked with.
Yeah, meeting new mom friends is mostly like the sucky part of dating. As a friend of mine said, “Babies are like friend magnets.” I agree with this to the extent she means that having a baby provides an awesome topic of conversation when you see other moms with babies. I’m not an extrovert by nature, but I’ve talked to many, many moms in the last year. Moms I met at yoga, at music class, at Gymboree, at the park, even at the airport. Some moms are the equivalent of the douchy guy: I probably don’t want to talk to them anyway, but it still pisses me off that they ignore me. Snobs. Plenty of other moms I meet and know right away that they aren’t my type. So that’s fine. We talk but I’m not looking to get digits. But then there are moms that I think I might get along with, so we have that first “playdate” but it doesn’t work out. (Maybe she’s moving soon or a little too into “other dimensions” or not doing vaccinations. It’s nothing personal, but if you’re not vaccinating your baby I’m just not sure I want her around Adeline.) And then there are other moms that I do like – we have a great conversation, maybe we even see each other around more than once, but for whatever reason we never exchange numbers. Then I never run into her again and I’m wondering if she’s the one who got away. And does she wonder the same thing? Do I just need to get the balls to ask for her number?
I’ve met a lot of moms and yet, I still have relatively few mom friends. Maybe I’m just not good at this. I’ve had the most success meeting moms through playgroup, which is a lot like how I had success meeting guys: through friends or in organized situations (school, work, etc). I also met guys at bars, but most mom-meeting situations don’t involve alcohol. Although maybe they should.
Do other moms go through this? How do you get over the awkwardness and just get the digits already?
*** Tomorrow I’ll have a post about our awesome trip to Portland complete with adorable pics of Adeline and Gulliver ***
The next time you hit it off with a Mom point out that both of your children are playing really well together and suggest setting up a play date. It’s hard to take the first step but sometimes it is worth it
Great idea! I think this will become easier and easier as Addie gets older and actually is playing with other babies. Up until a couple months ago, when she met another baby they would mostly just stare at each other and start screaming
Totally! I have a just a few close mom friends. I think it IS hard to line up on dimensions like, oh, I don’t know, breast-feeding, organic food, private vs. public school, etc. My great friends are the ones I did keep running into over and over again without even planning it — like you both love the local library, Starbucks, etc. I think it’s key to point out what YOU two have in common — like pumpkins spiced latte, and then suggest getting together for one, with or without the kids!
Yeah, it’s hard because sometimes it feels like, “Oh, we both have babies, let’s be friends!” Even if you really have nothing in common. I totally agree that you want to find someone that you, as a person and not just a mom, click with.
This is a really funny post! Not funny because you are frustrated with the new “playdating” scene, but funny because I completely remember when life used to be like that. I would chase women around the library hoping to strike up some fantastic conversation (digits were absolutely the end-goal). The advice about pointing out the compatability of the kids is a good one…patience helps too. Soon enough your kids will be involved in teams, in school classes, and the moms there will be ready to have relationships worth pursuing. Good luck! MMF
I can imagine that it gets easier as the babes get a bit older. Glad I’m not the only one who went through this!
Love you idea, never thought of that this way, funny!
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omg my kids are 3 and 5 and i am STILL going through the very same thing. But in a new town that’s smaller than my previous. with no vehicle during the week. so im always the mom that walks her kid to school and looks all sweaty with (somewhat) messy hair by the time i show up after our 25 minute walk to drop her off, not to mention i keep underestimating how FAR her school is so im usually a few minutes late. late enough that as im walking in, the parents are walking out.
when im on time im always wondering what they are probably thinking of me. i have tattoos. none of them seem to. i’m 27 they seem to either be around my age or in their late 30′s and up. that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be able to click!? i’m a stay at home mother presently until january when i begin my fashion design course at seneca. im not married so there’s no bling ring on my finger or talk of my husband, but i have been for over a year now with a wonderful man that is totally dedicated to love and provide for us. he’s a drummer of a metal band with a long beard. so ok, i get it there aren’t many people like us around this town… but really?? cant they realize my kids are always nicely dressed and polite, i’m always friendly when approached.. i know i’m not the only mom out there without the mom haircut and attire!? yeeeeah….. it’s fun.. :[ lmao how long is it gonna take until i meet another mom that is not only cool has some things in common with me and has a good moral standing with how they raise their children??
That sounds terrible! I feel the same way sometimes – I have tattoos (although not visible ones) and I’m a little bit “alternative” and I feel like I just don’t quite fit in. It’s really hard. Any chance you can get out of that small town?