You might be a mom if…
1. you know which baby food is actually yummy because you’ve tasted most of them. You’re feeding baby on the go. If you’re lucky, she’s eating those little pouches all by herself. But that gets messy. You don’t carry a burp cloth anymore (who has room?), so you don’t really have anything good to wipe her face with. So you improvise. You swipe it off her face with your finger and then eat it. Yep. And it’s actually pretty yummy. Butternut squash and apples. I dig it.
2. you have days when you never manage to get out of your pajamas. Part of you feels less like a human because of this. But another part of you tries to stay positive and thinks, “Hey, this isn’t so bad, I used to love jammy days when I was working all the time and I was so busy I never had a moment to just relax in my jammies.” And then you realize that, while you may be in your jammies, you’re certainly not relaxing. Ever. And then you feel like less of a human again and you consider pulling a Sylvia Plath. But you don’t because, you know, that’s not really your thing. And your baby smiles at you and you think, ok, I can make it through today. Tomorrow I’ll totally get dressed.
3. you’re pretty sure if you hear the song on baby’s toy one more time you might stab your eyes out. It just keeps going. And going. And going. Baby loves it and she thinks it’s the most hilarious thing that when she pushes that button it plays music. Music that should be banned in any sane civilization. You consider taking the batteries out so you don’t have to hear it anymore. But then you watch her laugh hysterically and you can’t do it.
4. the phrase “can I just get that booger?” is now part of your daily vocabulary. Baby has a booger right on the end of her beautiful little nose and it’s annoying the crap out of you. It’s annoying the crap out of her too, you can tell because she keeps sort of rubbing at it and scrunching up her nose. But she hasn’t quite figured out how to get it out on her own yet. So you try to reach in there and grab it but she pulls her head away, arches her back if you’re holding her and, if you get really persistent, starts screaming. For the love of god, you’re just trying to help! So you try to cajole her: “Come on baby girl, can I just get the booger? Please??” Finally you do get it and you wipe it on your pants. Keep it classy.
5. you love your mom friends but you wish you had more time to spend with people who don’t have kids. You used to get together with your friends and talk about things like politics, the latest books you’re loving, relationship problems, work problems, how amazing goat cheese is, who’s going to get the next bottle of wine. You know, the important stuff. Now you spend most of the rare moments you get with other adults talking about baby-centric stuff. It’s great to be with people who understand what you’re going through on a daily basis, but you miss the other stuff too. And the worst part is, you’re not sure you’re even capable of a real conversation anymore. Maybe that’s why no one calls?
So let’s hear it, what are some other ways to tell you might be a mom??