At Adeline’s birthday party I gave her a tortilla chip to snack on while she walked around enjoying the moment. My dad saw and made this lovely comment: “You gave her a tortilla chip?? Now she’s discovered salt. You’ve created a monster!” I rolled my eyes and walked away.
But in truth, he was only saying what I already worry about constantly. Every time I give her food I wonder what kind of eating habits I’m creating; will she be a healthy eater or will she fall into the trap of eating the kind of crap most of us eat? And do I give her food to comfort her when she’s not really hungry? Am I setting her up for a lifetime of comfort eating?
And it’s not just food. There are so many times I wonder how what we do now will affect her in the future. Better get her in the pool quick or she’ll never be a good swimmer! Take her to music class so she develops a lifelong love of music! Encourage free play so she develops curiosity and creativity!
Sometimes it feels like everything about her personality, habits, likes and dislikes will be determined in her first couple of years. That’s a lot of pressure. And I look at my own life and it seems like maybe that was true. But then I think about it some more and I realize… probably not. Who I am and what I do continues to change every day and is influenced by everything that happens to me. And I also happen to believe that in the nature vs. nuture debate, nature goes a long way.
I know I’m not the only parent who feels this kind of pressure. And I certainly do think that some things really are crucial during this time of hyper-speed development. But maybe we all need to take a deep breath and give ourselves a break. That tortilla chip isn’t the end of the world.
I struggle with this having 5 daughters. I’m constantly worrying about what they are eating. And how to make sure they have healthy body images. I also worry about projecting my own body image issues on them. Parenting is tough and should come with a manual!
Body image issues are so intense – I’ve thought about it a lot having a girl, but I haven’t been able to write anything directly related to it yet. I think I’m still sort of mulling over the whole thing. And yes, I definitely don’t want to project my own issues onto her. But how to avoid that? So hard!!
I hear you. It’s like their whole future is riding on introducing the right foods, activities, books, etc. as early as possible. Where we live, people feel that if your son doesn’t start a sport when he’s four, he can forget about playing at the high school level. There is also a lot of pressure to hold back any 5 year-old boys who are technically could go to kindergarten — for fear they’ll be undersized next to their future competition. PLEASE! I agree with you. What we eat, think, and do is changing every day. It’s that way at 5-, 20-, and 40-years. Don’t sweat it!
Just as I’m saying that having a girl is so hard, you go and make me realize that having a boy would be really hard too! I’ve heard about that whole “hold boys back” thing. It’s all so crazy. We just do the best we can, right?
We certainly do!