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“In a dark moment I ask, ‘How can anyone bring a child into this world?’ And the answer rings clear, ‘Because there is no other world, and because the child has no other way into it.’” ~Robert Brault
I’ve had my share of dark moments lately, and inevitably I wonder: “How could I have brought Adeline into a world full of so much pain and suffering? What is the point?” But then we have a day like yesterday: January 5th and it was 70 degrees in Denver. We went to the park and walked around the pond, watching the ducks and running in the grass and mud. Adeline would hold my hand for a moment, then race off on her own again. As she turned to find me the sun would hit her face and she’d throw her head back, squinting and laughing: pure joy. And that, I realized, is the point. I want that for her.
joy
I want her to feel the wind on her face. To brush her fingers through a cat’s soft fur. To bask in the sun on a warm day. To bite into a strawberry and taste the tangy sweetness. To eat a peach and feel the juice drip down her chin and run along her fingers. To hold a friend’s hand. To stand in awe of the monuments made by man. To climb a mountain. To make love. To hold in her hand a newborn baby’s impossibly small toes. To see the thanks on the face of someone she has helped. To hear music. To dance. To jump into a cold lake on a hot day. To smell cookies baking in the oven. And even to feel pain, because without pain the joy isn’t as sweet.
a life worth living
My old therapist used to tell me that the best way to fight back against depression is to create for yourself a life worth living. Only then will you have the meaning you need to save yourself. The things I want for Adeline are good enough for me, too: there doesn’t need to be a grand plan, striking success, great adventure. I just need the people I love and moments of joy. Isn’t that enough?
This is beautiful writing, from your heart. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you! And, you’re welcome
I agree, this post comes from the heart. And yes, love and the people who bring you joy are what matter the most in the end. I try always to remember that.
Sometimes it’s easy to get sidetracked by the “material” measures of success, though… at least for me. I feel like I’m failing somehow. But deep down I know that none of that really matters.
Beautiful! I hope you print this out and save it for your daughter. One day she will appreciate her mother’s wisdom and hopes for her future.
I hope that you continue to find light days like this in your quest to create the life you want most.
Great idea – I think I will print it out. I just hope I can keep it in mind and not end up pressuring her to do more or be more than she wants to be.
I am going to write down what your old therapist said. Those are words for me to remember. Thanks for a lovely post, and the beautiful pix of Denve.
Berkley Lake?
I’m glad that resonated with you. It has really helped me over the last few years.
The top two pics are in Washington Park and the bottom one is in City Park. It’s been so nice out lately that we’ve been spending as much time as possible outside
What a beautiful post and so important for us all to remember to live in the present (like your mindfulness exercise) and experience joy in the little things. I agree and think we set ourselves up for disappointment if we wait to experience joy until we have grand success. I also want to commend you for your bravery in your last post as well. Adeline is a lucky little girl to have such a thoughtful momma. Your blog is wonderful to read and it will be so special for Adeline to read your entries one day.
Yeah, gotta love the mid-winter thaw here in Denver! Beautiful pictures and beautiful post. Wait until she presents you with your first grandchild and you get to relive all these experiences from an older and, hopefully, wiser point of view. Everything is new and familiar all at the same time! Thank you for your honesty and sharing.
It is absolutely enough. There is nothing more
Priceless to me than seeing my children find their joy.
We go through our lives talking debating what to teach our children, how to raise them up right, what we need to show and tell them to make sure that they grow up to be productive citizens. This is all well and good, but I think what we fail to address are the things that they can teach us. There is much we can learn by viewing the world through the eyes of a child. Their innocence and ability to find joy in the smallest of things. Their creativity and unabashed questioning of all things. They are not afraid to be themselves, to try new things, to ask a million questions. There is no fear of looking foolish, no shame in being wrong or in being silly just for the sake of being silly. They know how to live. They know what joy is, and they give love unconditionally.
I know that as a mother of five children 3, 5, 11, 17, and 21 I have learn far more from my children than they will ever learn from me.
Tina
I often think i haven’t accumulate enough physical materials, mile-markers of success. I have to constantly check in- but am I happy? The answer is yes, so why create problems for myself?
Also I wish Adeline’s t-shirt came in adult sizes…
This is such wonderful advice: “My old therapist used to tell me that the best way to fight back against depression is to create for yourself a life worth living. Only then will you have the meaning you need to save yourself.” Thank-you so much for sharing.