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I’ve always liked the idea of self-weaning: instead of forcing a baby/toddler to stop nursing on your schedule, you let her stop at her own pace. On the other hand, I don’t particularly want to nurse Adeline until she’s three years old. Dilemma.
So I was really happy when she started the weaning process on her own several months ago. One day she just skipped her mid-morning nursing and never went back. I thought, hey, we can do this self-weaning thing!
But then she didn’t seem likely to drop any more. She was particularly attached to her after-nap nursing and didn’t want to give it up. She was going to start napping at school and I wanted to make sure she’d be ok with that. So I pushed the weaning: I stopped nursing her after her nap, even though she still wanted it.
It was really unpleasant. For several weeks she would be incredibly upset when she woke up from her nap, grabbing at my shirt and crying for 15-20 minutes every day. Even now, she will occasionally be upset after her nap. The whole experience made me want to slow down on the weaning thing.
For the last couple months we’ve been nursing twice a day: first thing in the morning and before bed. Again, I was starting to get worried that she’d never wean on her own. And then, about a week ago, she was running around before bed, not seeming remotely interested in sitting down long enough to nurse. So we kept playing and I offered her some extra snacks. When bedtime came around she started putting her books away and getting out her PJs without any desire to nurse. So we got ready for bed and she went to sleep. The next night was the same, and every night since then. And just like that, we’re down to nursing once a day.
I feel even more confident about self-weaning now. I know she’ll drop this last nursing when she’s ready for it. And I love that I can allow her the space and the autonomy to take that step at her own pace. The more I respect her personhood, the more confident and capable she becomes. She’s such a rockstar.
Did anyone else do self-weaning? How did it go? And if you did regular weaning, how was that?
Yes. Simon is mostly self weaning. We still do 3x per day but I may be more into it because we may not have more kids. It’s hard to let go!
I know! I’m planning to have another one and I still feel sad about it. Maybe we’re just sentimental ladies.
Can’t wait to see you on Friday!
All 4 of mine self-weaned. The longest they went was right before they turned 1. I never had to push them to nurse or not to – seemed the more solid food they ate, the more independent they became, and they just didn’t need it anymore!
Awesome! I love hearing that it can actually work
My baby girl has gone far quicker than I expected. Like outlaw mama I was very nostalgic thinking she will likely be my last baby and I was prepared to nurse well into her second year. But when she started walking she had zero tolerance for sitting and being quiet nursing. At night when she is really tired is our only time now (small tear). I am happy to say every step was baby led.
I seriously love hearing from you ladies about this! I feel like I’m getting a lot of pressure to wean her (husband, socially, etc) and this makes me feel so much better.
I dried u both times. One day I had milk, the next it was gone. I had enough saved in the freezer with both girls. I tried getting my milk back and never worked. I don’t think I was eating enough and lost so much weight that my body “self-protected” and stopped making milk. It was very sad. So…no advice I guess.
I did it with my second son. He nursed until he was about two. The last 6-8 months were just the night feeding. It was a little long, but I didn’t mind. My first son abruptly weaned himself at 11 months. That was actually a lot harder on me. Lots of crying and a sense of loss. I’m sure it was hormonal.
I don’t know why people try to pressure us to wean. The same thing happened with me. I definitely would listen to your instincts and not to them! I didn’t listen to my mother or grandmother and I have no regrets. They didn’t even nurse. What would they know about it? My first son may have abruptly stopped because I dried up since I had post partum and got really skinny like someone else here said.
Just stumbled upon your blog, and I’m enjoying reading it
I also let my baby boy wean himself, he stopped at 19 months. I was willing to go until he was two, but he very gradually stopped. For several months it was just down to one morning nursing. Then that got briefer and briefer as he was more and more interested in playing and story time. I’m so glad I let him decide. Sometimes I miss it though, but I try to get in lots of snuggle time to make up for it.
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