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No, this post isn’t about 50 Shades of Grey. Although maybe it should be. Maybe if I wrote terrible prose about vapid people leading meaningless lives my writing would be more successful. Maybe if I overused cliches and misused adjectives and wrote about flat, one-dimensional characters I could be an overnight success. Sadly, it’s not gonna happen. But I digress.
This post is about something much less “shocking” but much more important to me: my daughter’s relationship with her Daddy.
David worked from home on Friday and had yesterday off, so we spent four solid days all together as a family. David took Addie up to the park several times and the two of them played together. We went out to breakfast together, we went to parties together, we took endless walks in the wagon together. And by the end of the weekend, Adeline was Daddy’s girl, through and through.
She wanted him to take her out for walks. She wanted him to help put her to bed, to put on her jammies and read her stories. She followed him around and cried if he had to leave to go to the store or even the bathroom. She gave him kisses all the time.
But this morning he went back to work. He’s been busy lately, meaning he often doesn’t get home before she goes to bed. So he sees her very briefly in the morning and that’s it. By the end of a week like that, she’s upset with Daddy.
When he first comes home, she’s ecstatic. She screams in joy and wants to be held. But then she pulls back. She remembers that she’s upset with Daddy and she punishes him. She won’t let him hold her and certainly won’t give him any kisses. She gets confused and frustrated: she wants to hug her Daddy but she also wants to show him that he should be home more. So she cries and he feels hurt and it’s just a big mess.
If we’re lucky, he doesn’t have to work too much over the weekend and they get a lot of quality Daddy and Addie time in. By Sunday night she’s Daddy’s girl again. Then Monday morning it starts all over.
I watch this all happening, week after week, and I wish there was something I could do to make it better. I watch the two most important people in my life both hurting and I think, something has to change. Maybe as she gets older she’ll understand that Daddy works so hard so that she has everything she needs in life. But maybe she won’t. I miss David when he works a lot, but I’m so incredibly grateful for what he does for us and I know that he does it out of love. But I don’t know if a child can feel the same way. And that scares me.
It’s hard when they are young! My husband and I keep trying to explain things to the kids, I hope they understand as they get older. There aren’t a lot of options, right?
Oh, Sara. You know I feel you. You are so good at putting into words EXACTLY what we’re going through, too. I wish I knew how to make it better.
And I would totally read your terrible prose about vapid people smiling wryly.
This is normal behaviour and it in no way is an indication if their future relationship. Give it another 12-18 months and she’ll have a better understanding.
Oh man…reading this makes me think about my relationship with my father. Even though I now understand him and why he was a workaholic it did have a lasting impact on our relationship. I hesitate to say that because I don’t want you to worry too much. What you’re describing here sounds temporary and much less extreme than the environment I grew up in. Actually, this sounds a lot like my husband. I wouldn’t be surprised if I found myself in the same spot a year from now.
Also, I would think that the way he interacts with her (and the fact that he does) while he’s home has a bigger impact than the amount of time he’s there. In any event, you’re doing everything you can by building such a strong and positive relationship with her yourself. What a tough situation…I feel for you.
We have this too. Sadie punishes Jeff when he travels and it’s very hard to let go and let them have their relationship. She misses him so much and she doesn’t understand time so it’s tricky. And painful. And your writing is just exactly where it needs to be. There is room for thoughtful, insightful, complicated prose. Always.
That was me– Christie http://www.outlawmama.com
First of all, thank you for not subjecting me to yet another blog post about 50 Shades of Grey! Secondly, OMG…that picture is priceless!! So adorable! Lastly, my kids are now 14 and 18 and although I can’t possibly know what your daughter will accept any more than you can, I can tell you that as my kids have gotten older, they have come to understand a lot. The things they used to complain about they now appreciate. I hope you can find some peace in that.
Don’t worry, if you know it, your child will surely know it too. Love transcends these earth toils.
Awww, I’m sorry. Perhaps she will grow out of it.
I think she’ll learn and their relationship will even out over time. I think children also go back and forth on who they punish, parent-wise. I know I did. It sounds like you two do a lot to make sure they get their quality time together.