Tags
Coping (psychology), Drinking, Eating, Mental health, Moving, Panic attack, Sauvignon Blanc, Shopping, Stress, Travel
Two weeks until Move-Out Day. We’ve found a place to live (Roscoe Village!) and gotten moving estimates, but we have yet to actually book movers. We’ve started packing and we have our plane tickets, but we still need health certificates for the cats and we have a ridiculous amount still left to pack. We’ve given away multiple carloads of clothes and towels and random odds and ends to Goodwill, but we still have a house so full of stuff that it will never fit in our new place. I could go on, but you get the point. Moving is hella stressful.
This week — when we were waiting to find out if we got the place, had multiple movers in the house doing estimates, had the carpet cleaners over, and were trying to figure out the logistics of getting us, our car, two dogs, and two cats back to the Midwest (thanks Mom and Dad!) — I had two near-panic attacks. I couldn’t stop my heart from racing, I couldn’t breathe, I felt like my skin was crawling… If I hadn’t experienced panic attacks before and known what was happening, I probably would have succumbed to the full brunt of it. Instead, I asked David to hug me and I cried in his arms. More than that, though, I’ve been using some novel coping mechanisms to deal with the stress.
In particular, I’ve found myself eating comfort food, drinking wine every night, and doing some therapeutic shopping. Awesome. I know these are pretty typical coping mechanisms, but they’re new to me. I think it’s because I’ve spent years leaving behind even more unhealthy coping mechanisms and I’ve finally succeeded. Which has left me vulnerable to the ease of eating one more chocolate chip cookie to make myself feel better.
On the other hand, maybe I’ve been doing it all along, but now I’m just more aware of it. Instead of mindlessly drinking, I think to myself, “You know what, I really need a glass of wine to calm down a bit and I’m just going to go ahead and do it.” It’s not as though I’m getting wasted every night, just a glass or two of wine.
And when I’m in the grocery store buying greens and salmon and organic peanut butter, I pass by the fresh-made cookies and say, “I deserve a cookie. This is really hard.” And I don’t eat an entire box of cookies, just one. Or maybe two.
photo credit: nytimes.com
And when I was in Target — the day after we got the offer in Chicago and the day before we went to Hawaii — and I passed by the swimsuit section and eyed a particularly cute blue bikini, my first instinct was to keep walking since I already had three swimsuits. And then I said, “F*ck it. I’m stressed and anxious and confused and I feel a bit miserable. I’m buying myself a $20 bikini because it just might make me feel better for 20 minutes.” And it DID.
I briefly considered calling my psychiatrist for an increase in my Zoloft, but then I figured, this will be over soon, and in the meantime, chocolate chip cookies and Sauvignon Blanc are doing a pretty good job.
What’s your favorite coping mechanism? Am I rationalizing or does this sound relatively ok?
I think this is okay. You should never expect perfection out of yourself (hello, pot calling the kettle black), but especially under extreme stress! Have yourself a cookie or two! You deserve it!
We all deal with stress in our own way…when we become a mother we have even less time to work through our stress. So, it is so important to get to the heart of the stress, as soon as we feel it coming. To walk into the stress and see it, feel it and move all the way through it. When we do this…it feels deflated, we feel stronger, more capable, a better mother and the next time stress (I mean big stress like you are going through with this move) comes to us we feel more able to feel it.
Ask yourself…what would a stress-free move look like to you? Are you laughing right now? Thinking that is impossible? I don’t think it is. You have a short time to pull off this move but you are also very creative and smart. I know you can probably already think of 5 things that will help ease the feeling that it all has to happen RIGHT NOW.
Focus on those 5 things, then ask again and focus on the next 5 things…you will start to take control of your move, your experience and instead of calling it stressful, difficult, overwhelming, you will call it an adventure, a dream come true, a beautiful experience…
I wish you and your family the best in your new life in Chicago. I enjoy your blog and open, honest words very much. Thank you for sharing.
Sounds like your life is full of change right now. As you’ve probably heard it said, even positive change can be super stressful. Good luck with the move!