I stand looking out at the crowd and I feel my heart start to race. They’re not particularly paying attention to me, but they’re still there. And of course all I can think is that they’ll judge me if I do poorly. The music starts: eight measures of intro and then it’s time. I have to start singing. By myself. It’s karaoke!

The last time I sang by myself in public was nearly ten years ago – in college. To be fair, that was to an auditorium packed with friends and fellow students for a musical/humor competition among the Greek houses. And in law school I was in the musical as well, though I don’t think I had a solo. It’s possible that I did and I was just too drunk to remember. Either way, it’s not as though I’ve never done this before.

But it’s been at least seven years and a lot has changed since then. While I’ve become more confident and comfortable with myself, I’ve also lost a lot of the bravado and sheer fearlessness of youth. I blog all the time about intensely personal things, but I don’t want some drunk strangers to think I shouldn’t be up here singing.

Too late now: the intro is over and I dive right in. I’ve picked one of my favorite Indigo Girls’ songs, I Don’t Wanna Talk About It. I know it by heart, I’ve sung it hundreds of times in the car or in the kitchen, it’s perfect for my range, and I absolutely love it. I get a bit of a rocky start, but soon I relax into the song. I stop thinking about the girls who’ve already been up here singing Adele like they deserve a record deal. I let myself feel the emotion of the song and I do my best to put it out there.

By the end, I’m in love with this experience. Instead of looking to the crowd, I look to my friends in the booth near the front. They’re clapping for me, cheering me on. I finish the last phrase, take a breath, look around, and then celebrate!

I can cross another item off my 30 Before 30 List. I have a little over three months to go and I’m about halfway done. Considering that I started three months ago, I’m calling that pretty awesome. Here’s the complete list with my progress so far. More to come soon!

1. Fund 30 Kiva loans (20 so far!)
2. Submit something to be published (Done!)
3. Do 30 Days of Truth (In progress)
4. Learn Photoshop (Done!)
5. Get a new tattoo
6. Write a novel (or participate in NaNoWriMo)
7. Finish Project 52 (In progress)
8. Get something published (Done!)
9. Go somewhere I’ve never been before (Done! Maui!)
10. Climb a 14K (Scheduled)
11. Forgive someone
12. Find my go-to Karaoke song (Done!)
13. Master one yoga pose
14. Do a cleanse (Done!)
15. Go to an opera
16. Master a difficult song on the piano  (In progress)
17. Find a good place to volunteer and start volunteering
18. Start composting (Done!)
19. Print photo albums
20. Learn how to use camera in manual mode (Done!)
21. Do something that terrifies me
22. Write a business plan (Done!)
23. Do something fun for my 30^th birthday
24. Audit a science class
25. Take a hot air balloon ride
26. Paint a picture (Done!)
27. Watch the Godfather movies
28. Purchase a very expensive, staple item of clothing/accessory (Chanel?)
29. Get a facial (Done!)
30. Forgive myself (Done-ish)