This morning I took Adeline into an urgent care because she has a diaper rash that hasn’t gone away. We waited for about an hour, saw the doctor, got a prescription and left. None of that seems too traumatic. Here’s the thing though: she’s had the diaper rash for about a month.
Gah. Just writing that makes me feel like the worst mom ever. Not to mention that everyone I told (the receptionist, the nurse, the doctor), the conversation went like this:
Them: “How long has she had the rash?”
Me: “About a month.”
Them: “A month?” Looks up from chart with eyebrows raised, then looks down again before I can explain myself.
Because I really can explain myself. We had literally just moved, she got the rash in response to some target brand diapers (I’m almost positive), then it seemed to go away when we switched back to cloth diapers, then it came back but we didn’t have our new insurance set up yet, then it seemed to go away, then it came back but we hadn’t gotten a new pediatrician here yet, then it seemed to go away, then it came back but our old pediatrician still hasn’t faxed her records to our new pediatrician so the new pediatrician won’t see her yet. I kept waiting for any one of these things to work out or for the rash to just go away. Finally, this morning, I realized that I needed to just take her to an urgent care.
But you can’t explain all that in the split second after you say “a month” before the other person judges you. And when you know that in that month your baby’s butt has been red and itchy and probably painful, you judge yourself too. No matter what your explanations are.
Which is all to say, I feel like the worst mom ever. In reality, though, I’m having a first world problems kind of day. I took Adeline to a posh urgent care in a nice neighborhood in Chicago. We drove there in our safe, reliable car, then when we were done we had a healthy and filling lunch. She’s now sleeping in her expensive bed in our beautiful apartment and when she wakes up we’ll spend the afternoon together because we’re both lucky enough that I don’t have to work. A mildly itchy diaper rash is just about on par with the worst health problems she’s had so far in her entire life. She is healthy, well-fed, and well-cared for. She’s better off than about 90% of the other babies in the world. Which makes me a pretty good mother after all.