This morning I took Adeline into an urgent care because she has a diaper rash that hasn’t gone away. We waited for about an hour, saw the doctor, got a prescription and left. None of that seems too traumatic. Here’s the thing though: she’s had the diaper rash for about a month.
Gah. Just writing that makes me feel like the worst mom ever. Not to mention that everyone I told (the receptionist, the nurse, the doctor), the conversation went like this:
Them: “How long has she had the rash?”
Me: “About a month.”
Them: “A month?” Looks up from chart with eyebrows raised, then looks down again before I can explain myself.
Because I really can explain myself. We had literally just moved, she got the rash in response to some target brand diapers (I’m almost positive), then it seemed to go away when we switched back to cloth diapers, then it came back but we didn’t have our new insurance set up yet, then it seemed to go away, then it came back but we hadn’t gotten a new pediatrician here yet, then it seemed to go away, then it came back but our old pediatrician still hasn’t faxed her records to our new pediatrician so the new pediatrician won’t see her yet. I kept waiting for any one of these things to work out or for the rash to just go away. Finally, this morning, I realized that I needed to just take her to an urgent care.
But you can’t explain all that in the split second after you say “a month” before the other person judges you. And when you know that in that month your baby’s butt has been red and itchy and probably painful, you judge yourself too. No matter what your explanations are.
Which is all to say, I feel like the worst mom ever. In reality, though, I’m having a first world problems kind of day. I took Adeline to a posh urgent care in a nice neighborhood in Chicago. We drove there in our safe, reliable car, then when we were done we had a healthy and filling lunch. She’s now sleeping in her expensive bed in our beautiful apartment and when she wakes up we’ll spend the afternoon together because we’re both lucky enough that I don’t have to work. A mildly itchy diaper rash is just about on par with the worst health problems she’s had so far in her entire life. She is healthy, well-fed, and well-cared for. She’s better off than about 90% of the other babies in the world. Which makes me a pretty good mother after all.
I once chose not to take my toddler to the ER for stitches in his head. We were waiting for our new insurance to kick in, and we had just paid out of pocket for stitches by his eye. We couldn’t honestly afford another bill if it wasn’t necessary. My friend is a critical care nurse. She gave me the danger signs to watch for – concussion. If he had any of those symptoms we’d have taken him in immediately, but he didn’t.
Sometimes we do what we have to do. A diaper rash that comes and goes doesn’t land on my list of things to run immediately to the doctor for. I’d have made the same decision.
I agree. I don’t want to be overly paranoid and running to the doctor for everything. But maybe this time I went too far in the other direction. Is it just me, or is all of parenting just finding that fine balance? It’s kind of exhausting, huh?
You are absolutely NOT the worst mom ever. We all have those moments. I let my teenager play high school varsity volleyball with a broken wrist for a week (Because the trainer said it wasn’t broken and because daughter has a high pain tolerance). It just happens. We do the best we can.
Oh man. That sounds painful! She must have a high pain tolerance. And you’re so right – we do the best we can. Except when we mess up. Then we remember to do better next time
I let my son lay on the couch with a broken leg for twelve hours, waiting for the swelling to go down because I honestly didn’t think it was broken. Once we got to the emergency room, that and the way his leg was fractured had us spending hours all being interviewed separately to make sure he wasn’t abused. Kenja is right; we do the best we can.
Wow… that must have been traumatic for you. And for your son. When Addie was ten months old she fell off the bathroom counter and we took her to the ER just to make sure she was ok, then at 11 months she fell in the driveway and scraped her face, then at 12 months she fell into the door and had to get five stitches and still had the scraped up face. We were seriously worried that someone was going to think we were abusing her. She was such a mess!!
How about posting about the worst doctor/nurse ever. The “how long” question should be followed with “has it been constant or has it shown up off and on? Is this the best or worst it has looked?” Your answers would have made everyone feel better including you, and you could be reading a lovely book right now instead of waiting to see if you get comments on your blog.
Right?
Send a strongly worded letter. Threaten to sue for emotional distress. That’ll make you feel better.
Haha, good point! Because at the end of the day, whether I get comments is what really matters
There is no way you are a bad mom. Bad mom’s wouldn’t feel guilty, bad mom’s wouldn’t have bothered to answer the question truthfully, bad mom’s wouldn’t have cared enough to bother changing diapers, or using creams, or trying any number of different methods to get rid of the rash.
You aren’t a bad mom, just an optimistic one. Plus as you said, it’s a rash. It’s not like she was suffering from gangrene.
You are a GREAT mom! Never doubt it.
Everybody is right! You are not a bad mom, and you know that. I believe that we should not rush to the doctor every time something is wrong. The first action should be to handle it ourselves. Lansinoh HPA Lanolin is a miracle for diaper rashes and so is baking soda. I once needed surgery for a ruptured saliva gland in my lip but I did not have the money. I researched it and found that applying primrose oil to it daily was working for other people. It took care of mine in less than a week and only cost six dollars! I was a single father for a few years and money was never plentiful for me. That is what led me to find all these wonderful and simple solutions.
Oh my God, this definitely DOES NOT make you the worst mom ever. The worst moms out there would be insulted that you’re trying to compete with something like a diaper rash! Did Adeline even seem bothered by it at all?
It’s definitely itchy. But most of the time it was fine. Then every once in awhile, like once a day or less, she’d mention that it was itchy. Never seemed painful or anything, though.
Mosquito bites are itchier than that, and I wouldn’t take a toddler to the doctor for that! I think you’re officially out of the running for worst mom ever.
Don’t be so hard on yourself (not that you can stop…I’m totally the same way – my own worst critic). When the boys were little babies, I totally didn’t even NOTICE that they had this nasty yeasty rash in the folds of their necks until it started to smell. At that point, we had to use jock-itch (yes, jock-itch) cream on their necks for a month. It’s all water under the bridge (or in the diaper? ha ha) now. Probably not therapy worthy.
I love it! Hey, it’s all little folds… whether it’s the jock-itch area or the neck. That must have been fun!
Oh yes — it was a real hoot!
As a Canadian, who has criss-crossed the country a few times over the last few years, I found this post really interesting. You certainly are not a bad mother! Your a very caring mother who is dealing with a complicated medical system. We are often debating here in Canada if we should have a more Americanized system where we pay directly for our health care but the older I get and the more I travel across the country, I realize how lucky we are. When I have moved to new province my new doctor has always accepted my old provincial healthcare card without question and I have been able to see the doctor right away. There have never been any gaps in service which was really helpful when we moved to a small northern town when I was six months pregnant. When we moved again our pediatrician photocopied my son’s file and gave it to me to give to his new pediatrician. But here in Canada we only go to pediatricians for more serious problems. Fora diaper rash, a baby would see the family doctor because its faster. Not to say there aren’t issues with our system because there are. I just thought you might find this quick comparison interesting and may enable you to let yourself off the hook for something, that appeared to me, to be hampered by your medical system.