Tags
Helicopter parent, Helicopter Parents, huff post, Interpersonal skills, Parenting, Problem solving
A lot of things bug me about helicopter parents. I could probably write a whole book about it. But I’ll keep it basic today: I hate how they step in to the middle of every single interaction their child is having that could ever, POSSIBLY, become negative. Thereby never giving their child a chance to work something out for herself.
Actually, you know what, I don’t really care about their child. (OK, I do, all children matter, but you know what I mean.) What I really care about is that it means Adeline never has a chance to learn about negotiating, problem-solving, and other important interpersonal skills.
Read more about my thoughts on this here – my second post for the Huff Post!!
I’m terrified of commenting over on Huff-Po. But congrats on them picking up two of your posts! Anyway, I’m with you on this all the way. I tend to step in because of “The Look”, when I’d rather let them work it out. Consequently, we mostly work on these issues on playdates where I’m friends with the other moms. If we have issues with each other, we’ll just talk about it. Hmm, where did we learn that?
Yeah… I guess part of the problem is that we haven’t been able to make many friends here in Chicago
But isn’t it so true? The Look is terrifying!
With no intention of sounding snide or snarky, sheer curiosity, I’ll be interested to see if/how this post is re-addressed when your second child arrives and Adeline is taking his toys, making him cry. I only have one right now too and I do intervene when she takes a toy from someone else, especially when that someone else is younger, because I feel that I am teaching appropriate behavior, that is not allowed. If she hits, or bites, or throws something at them, I respond the same way, that is not appropriate and not allowed (fortunately those don’t happen much, she’s not a biter, thank goodness!!).
Congratulations on the second accepted post!
I think, like Carinn said, I’ll be even less likely to intervene with siblings. It’s a great way for them to practice and they have to get used to it.
But I can hear what you’re saying about younger kids. I definitely do get upset when much older kids push Addie around and their parents are nowhere to be found. I guess I’m talking mostly about situations where the kids are pretty close in age.
Maybe it’s just because I live in uber-aggressive NYC, but I have seen some really ugly things happen, smacking, hair-pulling, and of course, biting and bleeding. One kid was rushed to the hospital after a stylus (on those little handheld games) got lodged in his eye by another kid (it was outright terrifying. The babysitter carried the kid in one arm and held the toy in the other, she didn’t want to remove it herself).
Of course, you’d like to think you can sweep in before it gets to that, but it can happen really fast. So if we ever have a playdate, be forewarned – I am one of those parents you hate
By the way, I commented over at Huff Po and I added that I completely agree with you as far as siblings go. They are going to need to learn how to relate to each other in close quarters for their whole lives. Better to figure it out now!
Jesus. That is terrifying. I’m sure if I’d seen that it would affect me.
I’ve never seen anything even remotely approaching that. Mostly, I think, because parents tend to step in when there’s even the possibility of a friendly disagreement. I would certainly step in if Adeline got at all physical. But I hear what you’re saying about how it can happen really quickly. I don’t know. That’s tough.
It just gets so much more complicated the older they get. My rule was no one gets bullied by family members. Period. Name calling – not allowed. We do not call anyone stupid, or any other demeaning name. Maybe they did it out of my hearing (and they did), but they knew what I stood for. My kids also did not bully others. However, they were bullied by others at times. That’s what happens when you are a high functioning autistic person. One of the educational strategies that special education students are taught explicitly is self-advocacy. I think this kind training would benefit students without disabilities as well. Manners and kindness should also be taught. Kids should be taught strategies for working things out, not left to wing it on their own.