, , , , ,

Life with a newborn. It’s not easy. Life with a newborn and a two-year-old? Chaos.

Between nursing all the time, feeding Addie, cleaning up Addie’s constant messes so that the house merely looks like it got hit by a tornado instead of a category 5 hurricane, changing Archer’s diapers, changing Addie’s diapers, nursing all the time, changing my clothes when giant milk leaks leave me with a sopping wet side, changing my clothes and Archer’s clothes when he has an epic spit-up, feeding myself, attempting to shower and brush my teeth, nursing all the time, changing diapers, and, oh, I guess I’m starting to repeat myself. Probably because my day is incredibly repetitive. Anyways, between all that I feel like I only have the time and energy to do one or two other things in a day.

Today, I had to take Archer to the pediatrician for a weight check. Because it involved my son’s health and because I had a pre-scheduled appointment, it got priority treatment. But it also meant that I couldn’t manage to do much else. I got ambitious and thought I would also do laundry. It’s been sitting wet in the washer for six hours. So there’s that.

We’re out of milk, but a trip to the grocery store just was not in the cards today. I don’t know what I’m going to say to Addie next time she asks me for milk. I suppose I could offer her a breast.

We need more garbage bags and we actually have some – down in the garage. I’ve been meaning to bring them up for days. But it’s not super urgent (unless you think garbage piling up is urgent… do you?) so it keeps getting shunted to the bottom of the to-do list.

Dirty dishes are piling up, but since I’m not cooking, it’s not like we need clean dishes for eating meals or anything like that. If I use a wine glass for my nightly glass of milk, I can wait until tomorrow to do the dishes. Oh shit. We don’t have any milk. Actually, this is a win! No need for clean glasses when we have nothing to drink out of them.

I need to pay the bills, but hey, we just bought a house and we have two relatively new cars. We’re not going to need good credit again for at least several years. The bills can wait.

I need more freaking maxi-pads for the seemingly never-ending post-birth bleeding. But I’ve done the calculations and it can wait until tomorrow if I ration them appropriately. I can combine that with getting milk and do it tomorrow, even if it means nothing else gets done.

I guess that wet laundry will just have to sit there a little longer.

It all leaves me feeling useless and a little hopeless. Why can’t I just get my shit together? I’m pretty sure everyone expects me to and they probably think I’m a failure. I wouldn’t dare have anyone over to the house right now for fear that they judge me worst mother of the year.

But you know what. It’s worth it. Look at this face and tell me it’s not worth it: