, , ,

“Unfortunately, after carefully reviewing your query, we’ve determined that this particular project isn’t the right fit for our agency at this time.”

After much consideration, we’ve decided not to pursue this project. Ultimately we didn’t feel that this project was right for us

“Unfortunately I don’t feel I’m quite the right agent for your project.”

And seven more.

That’s 10 rejections. I’ve been querying my book for a little over a month and so far I’ve received ten rejections and not a single request for more pages or a full manuscript.

This morning I checked my email as I always do upon waking up. Just a few junk emails. Nothing special. I ate breakfast, I took a shower, I got dressed. It had been maybe 20 minutes and I checked my email again. THREE rejections. Three rejections in twenty minutes.

When the rejections started coming in a few weeks ago, I told myself that I wouldn’t let them bring me down. I would “celebrate” every rejection by sending out another query. And until today, I’ve done it every single time. But three rejections in one day? I think I’ve lost my ability to celebrate.

I’ve tried different versions of my query letter and they’ve all been rejected. How many more times can I rewrite this thing? No more times. That’s what it feels like right now.

I recently watched a TEDTalk by Elizabeth Gilbert in which she says that the best way to deal with failure is to go back “home” – go back to whatever it is that you love doing. In other words, I should go back to writing.

I’ve tried. I have a new project that I’m working on, here and there, when I have the time. But it’s hard to commit to it with the first one hanging over my head, its failure a low grey cloud, fogging my mind, dampening my creativity and making every day more hopeless than the last. The fog is so thick, I can’t see five feet in front of me.

I certainly don’t know how to find my way back home.