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Category Archives: Baby

Pregnancy Photos: 28 Weeks

13 Monday May 2013

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Well, I’m fully into the third trimester and some might say I’m almost done. Except that I still have 12 weeks left and that feels like FOR-E-VER. I knew this last time but must have forgotten: I hate being pregnant.

This month’s picture is brought to you by Mother’s Day, as Addie and I are all dressed up and on our way out to Mother’s Day brunch. (Btw, I wish I could take these pictures myself – they’re never quite up to my standards but I guess I can deal.)

28 Weeks Pregnant

In case you haven’t been counting along, 152 pounds means that I’ve gained 24 pounds already. That puts me on track to gain almost 40 pounds. So that’s fantastic. My midwife was a little concerned with my gigantic weight gain over the last six weeks, but lucky for me I just had my gestational diabetes screen and it came back negative. So I guess these are healthy pounds? I’m getting ready for breastfeeding? I need to stop eating so many cookies?

The other fantastic news I got at my last appointment was that the ridiculous pain I’ve been feeling in my pubic bone is probably Symphysis Pubic Dysfunction which means that my public bones are coming apart a little too early and a little too much. So I have to be more careful about getting up and down off the floor, out of bed, out of the car, etc. Basically, I need to keep my legs together. (Get your minds out of the gutter!) And I should be careful about picking things up and carrying anything too heavy. All of which is, you know, super easy to do when you have a two-year-old.

The midwife also bolstered my anecdotal evidence that personality in utero tends to carry forward into (at least) the first few months of life. She said that it’s normal to have one baby who is much more active in utero and that those babies tend to be more alert, harder to settle, etc after birth. Since this boy is so incredibly calm, I’m hoping that means he’ll be “easy” when he comes out. Fingers crossed people!

Other than that I’m just carrying on, trying to get through this whole pregnancy thing. Only 12 more weeks. . . 12 . . . MORE . . . weeks . . . .

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Personality in Utero?

29 Monday Apr 2013

Posted by in Baby, Children, Family, Motherhood, Parenting, Pregnancy

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When I was not quite six months pregnant with Adeline we hosted a party and watched the USA play in the World Cup. I was super excited and we joked that Adeline was going to be a great soccer player because she kicked like crazy the whole time.

But the truth was, there wasn’t really anything special about that day. She kicked like crazy ALL the time. Her kicks hurt me, they were urgent, almost frantic. It was as though she had something important to communicate, somewhere that she needed to be, things she needed to do.

That personality only strengthened after birth. From the very first hours she was overly wakeful, alert, and interested in the world. She could hold her head up from the beginning and she would turn to a new voice in the room. Strangers and friends constantly commented on how “awake” and “alert” she was for a newborn. The girl never stopped moving.

Now, at roughly the same point in my pregnancy with this little boy, he seems like a completely different person. He moves, but he rarely ever actually “kicks”. His movements are little nudges, as though he’s changing positions, getting comfortable, stretching out. Maybe a little bump now and then, as though he’s testing the edges of his little world. So, incredibly, different.

And I wonder, is this a real personality difference? Continue reading »

Pregnancy Photos: 25 Weeks

22 Monday Apr 2013

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I kind of can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m 25 weeks pregnant! That means we meet our little boy in just a little over 3 months. Which seems, frankly, insane.

I think he went through a growth spurt over the last week because I’m finally feeling and looking legitimately pregnant.

25 Weeks Pregnant

By feeling pregnant, I mean that feeling you get where you can’t quite walk right because there’s, you know, a baby hanging down in the way. That sense you get when you stand up that you have to take account of the belly so that you keep your balance right. That constant need to readjust because you can’t do things quite the same any more because that damn bump is in the way. All of that.

Plus, of course, the pressure. Oh, the pressure. I know it’s not even bad yet, but it has definitely started. There’s the pressure on the bladder, meaning I have to pee ALL the time. I’ve pretty much had to pee all the time for this entire pregnancy, but things are getting serious now. It doesn’t matter if I just peed, ten minutes later I could be walking down the street and it feels like I really might pee my pants. So that’s awesome.

And then there’s just the general pressure, meaning it kind of always feels like if maybe I could just lay down I’d get some relief. Except then the baby is weighing on my back so I have to roll onto my side. And then the belly is pulling me forward so my back feels all twisted. I think it’s time to start sleeping with five pillows.

Add to all that the really, really bad heartburn and reflux. It doesn’t matter if I haven’t eaten in hours, it can come up out of nowhere. And when I say “come up”, I mean it. Suddenly my lunch is back for another visit to my mouth. Just a little, but enough to make me feel gross for the rest of the day.

All in all, I’ve really made pregnancy sound great, huh?

I won’t deny, I’m looking forward to it being over. Until I remember that means I’ll have an infant. An infant who might not sleep very much. Who might cry and scream all day and night. And who I will have to take care of all. the. time. Dear god, what have I gotten myself into???

Just kidding baby boy, can’t wait to meet you!

Pregnancy Photos: Halfway There! (20 Weeks)

17 Sunday Mar 2013

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I’ve made it halfway – it’s all downhill from here! Downhill to a giant belly, backaches, heartburn, inability to lift oneself off the couch . . . you get the idea. But I’m not there yet! I’m in the second trimester easy zone: relatively symptom free and enjoying baby boy’s kicks.

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The little guy is kicking like crazy these days, and I LOVE it. I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed this part when I was pregnant with Addie. How much, in those first days, I actually felt like I missed her, even though I was holding her in my arms. Yes, I was looking at her, but she was already more separate from me than she’d ever been before: she was no longer inside of me, communing with me day and night with her little kicks and nudges and rolls and twists.

Not to mention that a baby in the belly is a lot easier: everything is taken care of, you don’t have to worry about SIDS, and you don’t have to walk around the house for hours all night trying desperately to get the baby to stop screaming.

Still though, I know I’ll be more than ready for the pregnancy to be over by the time my due date rolls around. So in the meantime I’m going to really enjoy these kicks from my little boy.

And enjoying it is easy right now because I’m relatively symptom-free. Some backaches every now and then is the worst thing. And I just started to get heartburn, which was a big problem when I was pregnant with Addie. But it’s all manageable at this stage.

The most fun “symptom” is that I just started getting braxton hicks contractions. Really just a small tightening of the uterus right now, but enough to make it into a little ball in my stomach. I know in a few weeks I’ll be over it, but right now it’s a fun reminder that this is all going to be real in just a few short months.

I’m halfway there!!

P.S. If you thought Addie looked a little less excited than usual to be in the picture, it’s because we had to tear her away from Nana’s winter village. We’re up at my parents’ for the weekend and Addie loves to play with all the little houses, trees, horses, etc. So cute!

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Pregnancy Photos: 16 Weeks

17 Sunday Feb 2013

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Well you already know the biggest news of the last four weeks: we’re having a boy! Other than that, it’s been mostly uneventful. I’m feeling some flutters, which is early but they say the second time around you do feel them earlier. But it’s still just flutters: no actual kicks yet. And I am (mostly) over the nausea, so that’s great.

But I’m also still definitely pregnant. I swear, I feel like I have to pee ALL the time. And then I go and there’s pretty much nothing in there. This will only get worse as my uterus gets bigger and presses down on my bladder even more. So, needless to say, I’m super pumped about another five months of that. And the backaches have started in earnest. Since my belly is so much bigger so much earlier this time around, the backaches have started earlier. It makes perfect sense. But it’s still less than awesome.

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Despite my aches and pains, I’m really excited. And Adeline is, too. She talks about her baby brother a lot, and she loves to look at the ultrasound picture and talk about how we saw him on the TV. That’s pretty much the cutest thing ever, so I can deal with all the rest.

Also, she loves posing for these pictures. Which is adorable.

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It’s a . . .

11 Monday Feb 2013

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I’m laying on the bed in the ultrasound room, my belly exposed and covered in goo. The lights are dim and the room is big and comfortable. The bed is even like a real bed. You see, we’re not at a doctor’s office. We’re at a stand-alone, 3D ultrasound office. One of those places parents go when they just have to get a golden 3D picture of their baby before the little one arrives.

When the topic first came up, I made fun of the whole concept. There’s no medical reason to go (in fact they make you sign a form saying that you understand that they won’t make any diagnoses). It’s all vanity and craziness. So I said.

Then we discovered that we could find out the sex of the baby as early as fifteen weeks, instead of waiting for the medically indicated ultrasound at twenty weeks. We could know as early as three days ago if we were having a boy or a girl. Suddenly, I wasn’t talking smack anymore. I wanted to go.

So that’s how I found myself looking at my little baby on Saturday night, laying on a bed while we watched the ultrasound unfold on a big screen TV in front of us. The tech spent the first minute or two just getting in position: finding the baby, getting the best angle, etc. But we were there for one reason only: to find out the sex. So she didn’t waste any time.

“Are you ready to find out?” She was young and perky, but not in an annoying way. I liked her. But I couldn’t bring myself to answer her.

Instead, we just nodded, David holding Adeline and trying to get her to watch.

I thought the tech would tell us, but instead she started typing. The words came up slowly on the big screen, one letter at a time.

“It’s” she typed, and I held my breath, “a” . . . Continue reading »

Five Things That Terrify Me About Having Two Kids

10 Sunday Feb 2013

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1. Sleep – the baby’s and mine.

I wasn’t blogging when Addie was an infant, so there are no desperate posts I can link to to prove it, but Adeline was a terrible sleeper. From the very beginning. Literally, the beginning. You know how the first day or so the baby is supposed to just sleep all the time, nature’s way of letting the mother rest from labor and delivery? Yeah, Addie never did that. Within hours of birth she was crying – no, screaming – if she was anywhere but in my arms. So we slept together. Which would have been fine if that was all it took. But within a few weeks it got even worse: during the day and in the middle of the night, she would cry for HOURS at a time and nothing could soothe her. Not breastfeeding, not changing her diaper, not walking around singing and rocking. Until we discovered the exercise ball. The only thing that worked was to sit on that damn ball for hours and bounce her up and down. And even when we did get her to sleep on her own, it didn’t get much better. For months and months she would wake up every 45 minutes ALL NIGHT LONG. I didn’t get into REM sleep for months. I was seriously a zombie. I don’t know if I can do it again.

Hours after birth

Hours after birth

We did so much work to get Adeline to sleep well, and now it’s nearly perfect. She sleeps through the night unless something is wrong, usually eleven sometimes twelve hours. I can put her to bed, spend a few hours writing or reading or watching tv, and still know that I’ll get a good amount of sleep. And now that’s all about to end.

I’m telling myself that the chances of having another colicky baby are slim. I’m telling myself that everyone says second babies are just calmer and easier. I’m telling myself that even if it is bad, it won’t be such a shock to my system because I’ve been there before. I’m telling myself that I’ll know I made it through once before and I know it ends. I’m telling myself it will be okay. But honestly, I’m terrified.

something she never actually did

something she never actually did

2. Sleep – Adeline’s Continue reading »

Pregnancy Photos

21 Monday Jan 2013

Posted by in Baby, Children, Family, Photos, Pregnancy

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You all knew I couldn’t let something as awesome as a pregnancy go by without documenting it in photos, right?

Positive Test

And now that I’ve made the announcement, I get to share them with you! Yay!

5 Weeks

This is my official “before” photo. I never got around to actually taking one before I got pregnant, but five weeks is pretty early, so I figure it counts. I look, meh, but did you check out Addie’s brachiosaurus shirt? Pretty rocking, right??

12 weeks

And this is me now. Twelve weeks! I was hoping to take all the pictures in front of that wall outside, but since it was about 10 degrees today (and about -10 with wind chill) that wasn’t going to happen. And also? David is not the best photographer. I’m planning to give him some lessons on angle and focusing at some point. This will have to do for now.

I’m officially in my second trimester, which is awesome. I keep hoping that I’ll magically feel way better, since everyone always talks about how great the second trimester is. But I’m still nauseous sometimes, and I still get sick every couple days. But I was way sicker with Addie, so even this seems like it’s not so bad. And I really do think I’m going to start feeling even better soon.

They say that you get sicker when you’re pregnant with a girl, because the extra progesterone from the female fetus makes you sicker. So I’m kind of thinking this could be a boy. On the other hand, it could just be that I’m not working twenty hours a day, every single day, and I’m not miserable, surrounded by people that I hate doing work that I hate, so my baseline feeling is way better. Being pregnant at a Big Law firm is not a pleasant experience.

Either way, we’ll find out in about seven weeks! I really wanted a girl the first time around, but I’ll be happy either way this time. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. I guess we’ll see when we find out!

The other really different thing this time around is that I’m getting so much bigger, so much faster. I mean, come on, I started wearing maternity jeans at ten weeks. I’m pretty sure I didn’t start wearing maternity jeans until almost twenty weeks last time. I’m not even exaggerating. This is me seventeen weeks pregnant with Adeline:

pregnant_first_time

I’m pretty sure I might have even been sticking my tummy out a little, desperate to look pregnant. On the other hand, I’d have been happy to look like that NOT pregnant after having Adeline.

But that’s ok. Because honestly? Maternity jeans are way more comfortable. I’m not opposed to wearing elastic pants all the time.

Adeline’s Big Announcement

17 Thursday Jan 2013

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Adeline has an announcement that she’s very excited to share with you:

Big Sister

That’s right! She’s going to be a big sister!

Can I just say, I am so freaking excited to finally make this announcement! I’ve been dying to complain about “morning” (all day) sickness and extreme fatigue and every other pregnancy complaint. I’ve also wished that I could talk about my excitement over having a tiny, adorable little baby again. And also my fear that this baby will be just as colicky and fussy as Addie and I won’t sleep for six months. And the fact that I’m already wearing maternity jeans (WTF?).

I’ll be 12 weeks tomorrow, so it’s officially that time: the risk of miscarriage is practically zero and it’s “safe” to tell everyone. I’ve always thought that whole idea was kind of ridiculous, because I’m pretty sure if something did go wrong I’d want to talk to people about it. But whatever. We had our first ultrasound yesterday and saw the baby: it was moving around like crazy and it’s heartbeat was so fast and strong. I cried.

Because good lord, I’m crying all the time. You know that VW commercial with everyone laughing? I love it. And it makes me cry giant, raindrop-sized tears every time. Sometimes when Addie’s watching dinosaur train and there’s a particularly sweet moment between the mom and her kids I find myself on the verge of crying. Seriously. Pregnancy hormones in full effect.

I have about a million other things to say about this whole pregnancy thing, but I’m going to leave it at that for now.

We are so excited and I can’t believe I still have to wait over six months to meet this little one. Tiny baby toes. I can’t wait! If this baby is anywhere even close to as adorable and amazing as Adeline, we’re in for the ride of our lives.

Big sister

Gender-Neutral Parenting: Reaping What I Sowed

29 Thursday Nov 2012

Posted by in Baby, Children, Family, Gentle Parenting, Parenting, Toddlers, Uncategorized

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I sit on the floor in the Kids’ Bedding aisle at Target, nearly in tears. Pink and purple and flowers and butterflies and polka dots to my left, green and blue and orange and bulldozers and dinosaurs and ships to my right. We’re here to buy bedding for Adeline’s new big girl bed, which will arrive tomorrow. And I’m realizing that my efforts to practice gender-neutral parenting have succeeded: Adeline wants the bulldozer sheets. So why am I crying?

New sheets. Current bed.

Why, indeed. Let’s start with the simplest reason: I don’t like the bulldozer sheets. They don’t go with the rest of her room, which I’ve carefully and thoughtfully decorated over the last two years. And personally, I just think they’re ugly. But what right have I to decorate her room? What does it matter what I think of the sheets? These are her sheets and it’s her room. If she likes them, that’s all that matters. My personal aesthetics be damned.

But I want her to like the things that I like! This divergence in our tastes is just another outward sign that she will separate from me, more and more as time goes by, one day slipping away from me entirely. Shit. Even the aesthetics point wasn’t simple.

And it only gets more complicated from here. Continue reading »

A Month of Gratitude (Part II)

15 Thursday Nov 2012

Posted by in Baby, Blogging, Children, Family, Gratitude, Mindfulness, Parenting, Pensive Moments, Photography, Photos, Writing

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I’m continuing my daily gratitude with another week’s worth of entries.

(Also, I’m thisclose to being done with a first draft of my book. Which is a-MAZ-ing and which is why I haven’t been blogging as much. When it’s done, I’ll come back and tell you all about it.)

Day 7

I’m thankful for Inspiration.

Day 8

I’m grateful for dinner out with friends. There’s nothing quite like enjoying amazing food and drinks with intelligent, witty and supercool people. What a great night! (Not to mention, it was free! It doesn’t get much better than that!)

eating gold

a walk through the woods

oysters. and other stuff.

Day 9

I’m grateful for videos. It was a late night last night and I had a little too much to drink. By this evening I was dying for Addie’s bedtime to come already. The ability to lay on the couch while she watched a couple videos was the only thing that saved me. And also, I’m grateful for first world problems :)

Day 10

Today I’m grateful for the contrast of light shining through darkness. Adeline, hiding in the curtains, pulling them back to reveal herself and bringing with her the hazy, bright light of the new morning, casting its spell on our dim bedroom. Hitting my eyes and waking me up: to the day, to her beauty, to life. Thank you.

Day 11

I’m grateful for eating lunch outside in the middle of November. It’s a bit windy, but other than that it’s sunny and warm and beautiful. Amazing! I’m also grateful that I forgot my phone, so I really and truly spent the whole time interacting with Adeline and just being present in the moment. Now that is a gift!

Day 12

I’m grateful that it got dark at 4:30. The shorter days herald a new season, one filled with warm scarves and the magic of seeing your breath as it steams up the cold air. A season for spending more time at home, cuddled up on the couch, wrapped in a soft blanket. A season that brings with it the holidays, when we’ll spend more time with family, carrying on traditions that I’ve enjoyed since childhood. I miss the sun, but that’s a lot to be thankful for. (Still though… wouldn’t 5:30 be early enough for it to get dark? Couldn’t we just do away with this whole “Fall Back” thing?)

Day 13

Today I’m grateful for the mpg meter on my car’s dashboard. Seriously. I love being able to look down and see how many miles per gallon I’m getting at any moment, and what my average is over a given trip. I like how it reminds me to drive more gently. And let’s be honest, I like trying to get that number as high as I can get it.

Sometimes, friends, it’s the little things in life.

Day 14

I’m grateful for my husband, David. He is a caring, compassionate and generous man, and he works his ass off. Being stuck at work until midnight every night for weeks is brutal and I can’t thank him enough for all that he does for our family. Thank you sweetie!

Day 15

Today I’m grateful for the simple, but profound, fact of being. Two years ago today, I pushed Adeline out into the world and we welcomed her in all of her squirmy, wriggly, gooey goodness. In two years I have watched her blossom into a being who will (and already does) brighten the world. When I think that she might not exist (if, for example, we had waited a few more months to get pregnant) I almost cannot fathom it. Sure, we would have another child who we would also love, but how could the world go on without sweet, wonderful Adeline?

And, of course, the same applies for myself, my family, my friends, and everyone who has ever and will ever exist: our existence is an event of such imponderable randomness, it’s almost impossible to believe. We are all, every single one of us, so incredibly lucky that we have entered into a state of being. Everything else is just icing on the cake. Today, celebrate being.

Newborn Adeline

Adeline at the museum this morning

Happily Attachment Parenting

18 Tuesday Sep 2012

Posted by in Baby, Children, Family, Gentle Parenting, Mindfulness, Parenting, Toddlers

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It’s that time again: another article meant to provoke a big response by attacking attachment parenting. Nicola Kraus recently wrote an article for the Huffington Post entitled, My Message to Dr. Sears: Why I Chose Detachment Parenting.

Nicola writes about Blossom “nursing her 25-year-old” in public (he’s actually only three), about her various friends who’ve gotten divorced as a direct result of co-sleeping with their kids (surely there were no other issues, right?), “parents who sometimes spontaneously burst into tears they are so sleep-deprived and miserable”, and a friend who, the implication is, has an unnatural affection for her son (do you think they’re still friends?).

I know I’m giving Nicola what she wants by writing this blog post (a link back to her article, more readers and more attention) but I just can’t help myself. I have a few things to say.

Nicola, you write that you “have yet to meet a parent of a child over 9 months old who isn’t in some kind of agony trying to undo the attachment crap.” So my question is: When can we meet? I’d like to prove you wrong. Continue reading »

Who’s my baby?

29 Wednesday Aug 2012

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“Addie’s a baby.” Adeline points to herself, smiling and nodding her head. Then she wrinkles her brow. “No baby!” She looks at me questioningly. “I baby.” Now she’s pretty sure.

“Are you mama’s baby?”

She smiles and nods her head so big that her whole body moves up and down. She gives me a big bear hug and then leans back.

“In mama’s shirt.” Lately, she’s into baby-wearing again. Since I put the slings in storage months ago, she tries to climb inside my shirt.

When that doesn’t work, she crawls into my arms. She wants me to hold her like a baby.

“Mama stand up.”

I stand up and rock her back and forth. She puts her finger to her lips and says, “Shhhhh. Shhhhh.”

This has been going on for a few weeks now. Maybe, come to think of it, since about the time we got her baby doll. I guess it’s a bit of “regression”, but that has such a negative connotation. In many ways she really is still a baby, so it feels cruel to say something like, “No, you’re a big girl now!” Yet, she is a big girl. I’m perplexed, if you want to know the truth. I’m just not sure what’s going on and what I’m supposed to do about it. If anything.

My guess is that it will go away soon. In the meantime, I’ll just keep snuggling her and giving her lots of kisses.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you handle it?

Now I feel like the worst mom ever

24 Friday Aug 2012

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This morning I took Adeline into an urgent care because she has a diaper rash that hasn’t gone away. We waited for about an hour, saw the doctor, got a prescription and left. None of that seems too traumatic. Here’s the thing though: she’s had the diaper rash for about a month.

Gah. Just writing that makes me feel like the worst mom ever. Not to mention that everyone I told (the receptionist, the nurse, the doctor), the conversation went like this: Continue reading »

The Swing

13 Monday Aug 2012

Posted by in Baby, Children, Creative Writing, Family, Parenting, Writing

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I watched the swings going round and round, the orange and red metal seats filled with preschoolers and even gradeschoolers. These were kids, their legs and arms long and lean, their hands strong and steady as they held onto the sides of the swings. I looked at my daughter: a toddler, not even two. Her arms and legs getting longer, but still retaining some of the pudginess of babyhood. Her hands not exactly steady.

“Mama! Sweeen!”

Her body arched out of my arms, her little fingers reaching for the swings. I approached the carnival worker, hoping she would solve this for me.

“She’s too small to ride, right?” This is what they call a leading question in a courtroom. She didn’t follow my lead.

“I don’t think so. I’ll just make sure she’s strapped in tight. Should be fine.” She shrugged and smiled at me. I managed a weak smile as my thoughts raced: obviously you don’t have kids. Should be fine? She’s going to shimmy herself right out of that swing. It’s going to be whipping around and next thing I know she’s going to fly out and crack her head on the cement. Her father will never forgive me for letting our baby ride on what was clearly a ride intended for bigger kids. Should be fine? What are you trying to do? Kill my baby and break up my marriage?

The swings started to slow. Adeline could ride next. She started bouncing in my arms, the excitement almost too much to bear. The swings stopped and the kids started to file out of the ring. I looked around, trying to make eye contact with anyone that would tell me I was crazy to let her ride. Or anyone that would tell me it was going to be perfectly fine. I found neither.

I looked at Adeline again. Adeline, my fearless daughter. The girl who was running at 10 months. The girl who climbs the ladder up to the highest slide and slides down by herself. The girl who I know is smart and strong and capable.

I walked into the ring and found an empty swing next to a bigger girl. I managed to make eye contact with the other mom as I strapped Adeline in.

“I’m worried she’s going to start screaming or something.”

“Meh, maybe she will, but it won’t be the first time.” She gave me an understanding smile. I felt my confidence rise. I knelt down to Adeline and told her I’d be right outside and I’d come get her as soon as it was over.

“Mama go!” She pushed me away and shot me a huge smile.

The swings started up. Slow at first, then faster and faster. Each time she swung around to me I looked anxiously at her face. She laughed and screeched with glee and hung on tight. She loved it.

I put her in that swing as my baby. I took her out as my little girl.

Having the time of her life