It’s Monday. Again. Turns out, that happens once a week. I’m never really prepared for it. I used to dread Mondays because it meant going back to work (or, more accurately, going back into the office, since I had almost certainly been working from home all weekend anyways). Now I dread Mondays because it means David is going back to work (again, after probably working from home all weekend). And, the corollary: I’m home alone. Again. For another whole week.
What will I do with myself? I’ll be busy, sometimes so busy that I can’t get it all done. Laundry, clean the kitchen, get Adeline fed, get Adeline down for a nap, grocery shopping, music class, playgroup, cook dinner, attempt to keep the house at least mildly clean. Start over again. I think about all these things and I can’t imagine how working moms do it all.
Over the weekend one of David’s colleagues invited us to her Christmas party. While there, I found myself talking to the hostess and another woman who brazenly (and without meaning to give offense, I’m sure) asked what exactly it is that I do all day. They were nice enough, but I could see the incredulous looks on their faces when I said I was usually pretty busy. ”I always imagine myself reading gossip magazines and watching day time television,” one of them spouted off. Well, my dear, that’s the difference between you and me. I would never do either of those things even if I could. But that’s not really the point. I can’t. I might read a book, but Adeline would never let me. And if she’s not supposed to watch t.v. until she’s two, I’m certainly not going to break that rule for trashy shows that I don’t even really like. (I might break it for children’s shows that seem to have some educational value, but I’m holding out as long as I can.) And, again, I really am busy a lot of the time.
But so much of that busy-ness isn’t very enjoyable. And despite my always vowing to spend more time doing fun things, it can be really hard to get out of the house with Adeline – she needs to nurse, it’s too close to nap-time, it’s cold and snowy, etc. I feel trapped in the house with her.
And when the boring tasks are done but we can’t get out of the house, we do end up with what feels like endless downtime. So I spend a lot of time just sitting on the floor with Adeline, “playing” with her. Except her play isn’t very entertaining just yet. It mostly involves sitting there and watching her stack blocks and knock them down. That gets really f*cking boring, really f*cking quickly. And on a Monday morning, when the rest of the week looms up like a brick wall I could never scale, I don’t know if I can make it through.